Update . . .

First, the dude arrested in the picnic table story had his felony charges dropped. Whoa.

Second, I've been meaning to post this for a few days, but keep forgetting. This is from Letterman's Top Ten List from April 3, 2008.

Top Ten Excuses of the Man Caught Having Sex With a Picnic Table:

10. Got all worked up after looking through the IKEA catalog.

9. C'mon, did you see that picnic table?

8. I was refinishing it and things just got out of hand.

7. Just broke up with the pool table and didn't want to be alone.

6. If you're gonna arrest every man who's had sex with a picnic table, you're gonna have to build a hell of a lot more prisons.

5. Was curious if I could have sex with anything more flat and lifeless than my wife -- hiyooo!

4. Hey, a man has needs.

3. My doctor said I have Restless Nuts Syndrome.

2. It's not like I spent $4,000 for a hooker.

1. Well, it was our anniversary.