Teary Thoughts . . .

I've been thinking a lot lately about my family and friends. As many of you know, my grandmother has not been doing very well. She recently suffered from three stomach ulcers, one of which was bleeding, and has had a difficult time regaining her strength since being released from the hospital. She is 84 years old and her body is having a difficult time dealing with its recent stress.

I went home over Father's Day weekend, and it was hard to see her feeling the way she does. She still has her spunky, cranky personality, but it's obvious at times that she doesn't feel well. She's in quite a bit of pain and isn't able to do many things she was able to do just a few weeks ago. One of her doctor's last week diagnosed an irregular heartbeat, so we are all concerned that congestive heart failure is a very real possibility. We can see the fear in her also.

It's logically very easy to analyze the situation and remind yourself that she's been here a very long time. 84 years is a long life. She's raised 5 children, has 7 grandchildren, and 2 great-grandchildren (counting my nephew from my step-sister). It's all part of the natural cycle of life. On the other side of that, it's so difficult emotionally to even consider.

I lost my paternal grandmother when I was 17. I was close to her, and it was difficult. But at that age, I still didn't quite comprehend everything. Now that I have matured, and also become closer to my grandmother, it's a completely different experience. For the first time recently, I've found myself visiting the grave sites of my deceased grandparents. I've been there many times growing up, but never alone. I suppose a part of it is knowing how difficult her passing will be for my Mom, as well as my aunts and uncles. In turn, that winds up with me thinking about my Mom and how heartbreaking and emotional that will someday be for me.

While all of this has been on my mind lately, I suppose this was brought to a head tonight with news that the daughter of someone I've known since I was a child passed away today. She was diagnosed with a rare form of childhood cancer and was only 7 years old. I probably haven't seen her parents, or grandparents, in years. Her grandmother was one of my very first teachers and watched my friends and I grow up. I went to school with both of her sons. It's sad anytime someone passes, but the death of a child is more so, I think. As sad, and dreadful, as I am about my grandmother, I can't even begin to imagine the stress and fear they have endured.